I MADE YOU A PLAYLIST, Vol. 4: "Slinky"
What is it about Justin Bieber's voice?
Okay, so: We need to talk about Justin Bieber.
(I’m sorry. I know. I just need to get this out of my system and then we can move on.)
I simply cannot explain it, but Justin Bieber’s voice has a POWER over me. He can be annoying and confusing, I know. I’m not proud of my recent full-fledged teenage obsession with his music, but alas, here we are. Please see below:
Before you jump ship, please know that this is not so much an ode to Justin Bieber himself as it is an homage to all the silly musical obsessions and so-called guilty pleasures that keep me (+ everyone else) coming back for more no matter how hard I pretend I’m too good for them. Kinda like an Oreo McFlurry from McDonald’s, if you will. Not nearly on DQ Blizzard level, but the people (i.e., me) love it anyway, for exactly what it is.
If you really can’t stand Justin, I’m sorry—there are plenty of other fun songs on the playlist, too! And I give you my word that the next edition of this newsletter won’t touch Justin’s music with a 10-foot pole. But listen, I’m SURE you have SOMETHING in your life that you love far too much for some inexplicable reason, right? So, cheers to dumb obsessions and the value in loving superficial songs, things, food, etc., simply because they bring us joy.
WATCH
“Friends” - Justin Bieber feat. Bloodpop (T-Mobile Commercial)
In my humble opinion, this is two minutes and forty seconds of JBiebs at his most charming. It’s a ridiculous German commercial for T-Mobile from probably four Christmases ago, but I watch it more than I’d like to admit.
READ
“Justin Bieber Would Like to Reintroduce Himself” by Caity Weaver (GQ)
This is one of my favorite pieces by one of my favorite writers (go read Caity’s cover story on The Rock ASAP). At first, it appears to be a portrait of a child star who was consumed by fame too early, and I fully expected Caity to bring us back around to some fulfilling conclusion about how Justin has overcome the weirdness of his celebrity and reached a point of peace and redemption. Instead, she left me completely unsatisfied and questioning whether Justin Bieber would ever be “back on track” or feel satisfied with his life ever again…
…In Caity’s defense, I feel like I should have seen that ending coming the moment she told us he wasn’t eating the platter of chicken fingers specially ordered just for him:
“The chicken-finger platter that has just been placed before Justin Bieber is like something out of a children’s book—an illustration from a story about a boy who becomes king, whose first and last royal decree is that it’s chicken-finger time. The dish is so massive that in order to accommodate it, a metal urn filled with enough ice and soft drinks to sustain a pioneer family on a trek across Death Valley is moved to an adjacent table. Tenders are not even listed on the menu of this restaurant; its offerings are confined to ideas like “parsnip purée,” “pomegranate gastrique,” and “dill.” The fingers have been conjured, unbidden, out of the invisible fabric of the universe for Justin Bieber, who is not eating them.”
*On a happier note! There is a cute little passage about Hailey Bieber—at the time, he refers to her as a good friend he kisses sometimes. Now they’re legit married. Go figure.
“One Good Song: Ariana Grande, ‘34+35’” by Jamieson Cox
I’ve subscribed to Jamieson’s newsletter, “One Good Song,” for a while now, and I learn something new or hear something differently with every post he publishes. Re: Ariana’s new album Positions, his newsletter singlehandedly changed how I heard and appreciated the entire album. I was totally rolling my eyes at her lack of “artistic evolution” and the overdone innuendos until his analysis helped me understand that she’s not trying to be groundbreaking with this album—the music she made is just good and satisfying. And why would we deny ourselves something good at a time like this?
“It’s a small-stakes, self-assured soundtrack for cooking dinner or lying in bed with someone you love — perfect for a year almost everyone spent within their own four walls.”
I particularly love his description of how Ariana’s voice fits in with (and benefits from) the production on this project:
“The rhythms snap and click and the ever-present strings pluck stab, building these little carbon allotropes… and then Ariana flows around and through them, a hummingbird flitting in and out of a sturdy old birdhouse. The production is orderly, even prim. It’s like she’s cleaning the house top-to-bottom even though she can’t have anyone over, just because it feels good.”
“Review: Ariana Grande, Positions” by Dani Blum (Pitchfork)
I RARELY relate to Pitchfork reviews of extremely popular albums, but this was such a pleasant surprise I felt the need to share (especially if you’re still not hooked on Positions). In contrast to Jamieson’s notes on Ariana’s nonchalant “cleaning the house just because it feels good” mentality, Dani highlights the hidden deeper emotional undertones of the songs. She points out countless nods to grief, heartbreak, and mental health, all mostly hidden or disguised by the buoyant production and silly sexual overtones. What can I say! I was totally wrong about this album. Don’t judge a book by its cover, y’all.
Bonus: “Charlie Puth and Shawn Mendes, Would-Be Pop Kings” by the NY Times Popcast Crew—This is just an entertaining podcast episode that breaks down the careers of Charlie Puth and Shawn Mendes—why they work as male pop stars, why they don’t, etc. (The Charlie segment has always been my personal favorite.)
FOLLOW
The always-hilarious Hunter Harris used to cover music, movies, and other fun pop culture and meme-worthy things for Vulture, but announced last week that she’s venturing off on her own to start a newsletter called “Hung Up.” According to her first post, the schtick is pop culture commentary, fun interviews, and—my favorite—random, unjustifiable, all-consuming obsessions:
“The other reason for Hung Up, as a title, is that I want this to be a place for the writing that’s, like, the first thing you call your best friend about when you get home. (Alternatively, I will settle for writing the thing that leaves the group chat in shambles, or writing the thing that gets me a text from my mom that is simply “Hunter.”) Eager friend-calling, as an image, as a concept, is magic to me: running home to talk to someone you love like, “Girrrrrlllllllllll…”
I’ve never gotten out my credit card faster. Except to buy Taylor Swift concert tickets/albums/etc. So yeah, I’m thrilled.
***She’s also great on Twitter:
PLAY
Omg, if you’re still here, congrats and thanks a million. Here are 32 songs that keep me coming back for more no matter how hard I try to listen to all the ~cooler~ ~more indie~ ~jams~ out in the universe.
This is called “Slinky” for two reasons: One, Slinky’s themselves are totally-superfluous weird toys that make zero sense and yet everyone (everyone!) had one and got totally entranced/obsessed at some point, right? Even if it was just for an hour. Two, these songs draw me in and bring me on a fun, loopy, ridiculous little journey. They’re highly hypnotic, completely addictive, pretty sexy, and… just kinda slinky, ya know?
There’s plenty of JBiebs, a lot of Ari, a few gems from JT, Charlie, Shawn, Selena, and even a Maroon 5 song. If nothing else, I hope you give it a quick listen just to appreciate some of the INSANE production on these songs. Producers are magicians.
Slinky
Company - Justin Bieber
safety net - Ariana Grande feat. Ty Dolla $ign
Monster - Shawn Mendes feat. Justin Bieber (their AMA performance of this song was… so. good.)
My Love - Justin Timberlake feat. T.I. (the first 10-20 seconds of this song make it completely impossible to do anything but listen through. and then listen again.)
Boyfriend - Selena Gomez
Lost In Japan - Shawn Mendes (my favorite Shawn song! if only we all had private jets.)
BOY - Charlie Puth
10,000 Hours - Dan + Shay feat. Justin Bieber (their voices sound like MAGIC together)
west side - Ariana Grande (~sultry~)
I Warned Myself - Charlie Puth (one day last year i put this on loop for 2.5 hours while i wrote an article and i *still* obsess over it so…)
Boyfriend - Justin Bieber (these lyrics. absolute poetry.)
Let Me Love You - Mario
Do It - Chloe x Halle
Gimme What I Don’t Know (I Want) - Justin Timberlake
Get Me - Justin Bieber feat. Kehlani
Vulnerable - Selena Gomez (OBSESSED with this production. also, this album deserved better.)
break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored - Ariana Grande (over-confident Ariana is my favorite Ariana)
Come Around Me - Justin Bieber (this one is going to mess up my whole Spotify Wrapped this year, i just know it)
obvious - Ariana Grande (current favorite from ‘Positions’—it’s so fun and full of fresh air!)
Midnight Flight - Conor Matthews
Nights Like This - Kehlani feat. Ty Dolla $ign
Wait - Maroon 5 (you love it. don’t deny it.)
Where Were You In The Morning - Shawn Mendes
Been You - Justin Bieber (i’ll say it louder for the label execs in the back: THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A SINGLE)
Attention - Charlie Puth (a bassline for the ages)
Holy - Justin Bieber feat. Chance the Rapper
Wait For Me - Conor Matthews
Sure Thing - Miguel
Intentions - Justin Bieber feat. Quavo
rEaR vIeW - ZAYN
No Pressure - Justin Bieber feat. Big Sean (please listen and focus on 1:17-1:26 and then tell me Justin Bieber’s voice does not have magical powers)
positions - Ariana Grande
Listen to the whole thing here.
(@ my Apple peeps, this is for you.)
I’ll leave you with this iconic ad lib lyric from the artist who inspired this edition of my otherwise-entirely-high-brow (lol) newsletter:
“Swaggy.” - Justin Bieber
Thanks for indulging me! 🙃 Hope you have fun listening.
Natalie